The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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