I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
