It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
