I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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