This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
