Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
