i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize