Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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