We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
