in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
