Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
