If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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