weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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