Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
