Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
