you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
