Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
