my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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