if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
