I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
