I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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