So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
