i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I think my moral compass just broke
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
