I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
