Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
