We're facebook friends in real life
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
