tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
