I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize