guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
