do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
