I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
A bitchslap is in order.
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