Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
