Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
