I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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