I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
