i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize