before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
