grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
