I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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