Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
