My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
