So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
