I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
