I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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