so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
