HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
