the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
So many bounce houses so little time
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
