He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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