I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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