what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She announced her abortion via fbk
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
