My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
