If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
