My sheets look like a crime scene.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
