Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
