I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize