As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
