did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize