"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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