I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
