On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
