nut hugger
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
