I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
