idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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