Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
My feet surprised me
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
