i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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