Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
