why didn't you poke me back
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
soo... how was my night?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
