You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
