I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
