Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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