The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize