Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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