at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so let's talk penis.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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