I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
