His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
