I think I won the penis lottery.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
