after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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