Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it's like iHOP with fire
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
