I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
