So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
