i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
