You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
