meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
