I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
