Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
