went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize