The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
