If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
