Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
