I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
