I just saw a hot homeless man
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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