I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
