dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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