Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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