P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
