Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize