i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
